Say goodbye to destructive fights and hello to calm, productive conversations.
A realistic guide to managing your emotions and keeping simple conversations from escalating into overblown fights.
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Here you are having a perfectly nice day with your partner, then a certain topic or off-handed remark sparks tension between you...
At first you make a quick comment back, they interrupt you, then both of your voices start getting louder. If you don't take corrective action quick enough, then things really get out of hand.
You might start attacking each other’s character, bring up an event you were angry about days ago, or make catastrophizing statements like “this is hopeless, there’s no point, nothing will ever change with you!"
If this is a pattern you find yourselves in, you’re not alone. As with most couples, there’s usually one person who reaches their tolerance faster and tends to shut down and withdraw. This leaves the other person annoyed, isolated, and without a choice to resolve the original issue. You guessed it... this is the pursue-withdraw pattern (and yes, this guide even addresses it)!
Regardless of your specific behaviors, you hate that what could be calm and constructive conversation becomes intense and blown out of proportion. It leaves you both feeling hurt, disconnected, and even guilty
As hard as emotions are to control in the moment, we want to tell you that it’s possible to learn steps to de-escalate these conflicts, regulate your emotions, and stay on the same team.
At first you make a quick comment back, they interrupt you, then both of your voices start getting louder. If you don't take corrective action quick enough, then things really get out of hand.
You might start attacking each other’s character, bring up an event you were angry about days ago, or make catastrophizing statements like “this is hopeless, there’s no point, nothing will ever change with you!"
If this is a pattern you find yourselves in, you’re not alone. As with most couples, there’s usually one person who reaches their tolerance faster and tends to shut down and withdraw. This leaves the other person annoyed, isolated, and without a choice to resolve the original issue. You guessed it... this is the pursue-withdraw pattern (and yes, this guide even addresses it)!
Regardless of your specific behaviors, you hate that what could be calm and constructive conversation becomes intense and blown out of proportion. It leaves you both feeling hurt, disconnected, and even guilty
As hard as emotions are to control in the moment, we want to tell you that it’s possible to learn steps to de-escalate these conflicts, regulate your emotions, and stay on the same team.
This is even more critical if you're a parent. It's gut-wrenching to know your child saw or heard you two fighting. Even if you don't have kids, you feel sick about how you can act toward the one you love.
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In all honesty, we hear this a lot: "But what else am I supposed to do? If I can't yell, and I shouldn't just shut down and leave, what other option do I have?"
Those aren't the only 2 options though.
The 3rd option is to focus on:
The 3rd option is to focus on:
- interrupting the destructive conflict patterns
- use an emotional regulation strategy to keep your cool
- practice implementing a de-escalation technique
These seem like big topics and we know it's hard when you feel like you're being attacked, at your wit's end, or so angry that you can hardly think straight. But this guide simplifies it all into realistic steps so you can stop the drama and keep things constructive!
The De-Escalating Conflicts & Regulating Emotions Guide is here to simplify what can feel daunting.
The Step-by-Step Guide Provides You With:
- The most common destructive fight patterns, and specific ways to address each one (this covers everything from the pursue-withdraw pattern... to triggered behaviors)
- A profound but realistic approach to understanding emotions in heated moments
- The 3 step process to regulating your emotions, and how to communicate constructively rather than destructively in those times
- When it's appropriate to call a "time-out/pause" vs when you should challenge yourself to try and stay engaged in the conversation
- Strategies to de-escalate things and bring the conversation to completion (rather than always leaving it unresolved)
We've successfully taught these tools to thousands of couples in private sessions, and now you can easily get your hands on it.